Sunday, January 16, 2011

My Baby K.C.


Tonight I share with great sadness and a very heavy heart that our eldest cat, K.C. died today. I came home from work, and walked in the door singing the "Wicked Witch is Dead," feeling a sense of relief that the working part of the day was done, and I see Scott's face and I know something is wrong. He didn't even say anything to me. K.C. went to the vet today to have her teeth cleaned for the very first time in her 15 years of life.

I had an odd feeling, an intuition, that we might lose her while she was under sedation. When I was a child, we had a dog named Melody, and after she had a litter of puppies, my father took her to the vet to get her fixed. What I was told was that she died under sedation and never woke up. I kept thinking about Melody before we took K.C. to the vet.

I feel so bad. I really wanted this done for her because her teeth really needed it and I thought it would be better for her health in the long run. But I also wasn't sure if she was healthy enough to go through the procedure. Our vet seeded to think she was in good shape for a cat her age.

As I said, K.C. was about 15. She was completely deaf and had thyroid problems so she was very thin, so thin I could feel her spine. This last year she seemed like her legs may have had arthritis. She seemed stiff when she walked. And lately, she would over groom herself, pulling out her fur. I was worried about that and asked my husband to ask the vet about it.

I wish I had known that friday was her last day with us. I would have stayed up with her the night before and held her and talked to her, even though she would not have heard me. And I would have gone with her to the vet and stayed there with her. I wish myself or my husband was there with her when she passed.

My friend tells me that it was probably best that she just died during her sleep. That maybe she was in pain and we did not know it and then she could have a more difficult passing. Maybe so. All I know is that I miss her.

One of my most favorite memories I have of her is from when my son Brandon was still living with us. She slept in his room with him every night. At about 2 or 3 in the morning, she would wake him to go downstairs with her while she took a couple of bits of kibble, and then went back upstairs. She had him trained. It was humorous. The way Brandon described this ritual sounded like they were an old married couple. He would complain about getting up with her, but he would every night.

I think her best time was when my 2 sons were still living with us. She was always in one or the other's room, and they took good care of her. She got a lot of love.

After the boys moved out, things changed again for her when I brought Tiger home. I think he wanted to be dominate in the house so he would go after her a lot. I couldn't stand it so we separated them, having K.C. stay upstairs and Tiger downstairs. In one respect it was a good choice, to keep her safe. But in another way, it isolated her from Scott and myself and anything else going on in the house. She would meow, almost yell, at us repeatedly when we had her upstairs. This used to annoy us immensely. What it took me a very long time to figure out was that she needed more interaction with Scott and myself. This is one of my regrets.

When Motor came, it really shifted the dynamics in our house. We decided to let K.C. come downstairs and see how they all got along. Motor took the heat off of K.C. Tiger now focused more on Motor. Motor was very feisty as a kitten and he would go after Tiger! The balance was much better for K.C.

I wish I had given her more attention. Because my husband had originally adopted her before we got together, I always thought of her as his cat. I wanted him to get more involved in her care, from feeding to cleaning up after her, to giving her the attention she needed. He always claimed he was too busy, but his connection to her as a pet was more aloof then I wanted. I especially wanted him to show her affection because whenever I would, Tiger would get jealous and attack her. This is another area of regret for me. Did she know she was loved?


I miss my baby. We have her blankets left in the area of the kitchen that was her sleeping place. Whenever I go into that room now, I feel a sense of sadness. She always greeted us with a loud yelling meow when we entered the room. Now it is very quiet. And empty.

I"m not sure how to end this post. Just want to remind all my fellow pet guardians out there to squeeze your kitties today. Let them know they are loved. And I will do the same.

55 comments:

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

We know how sadness brings with it many regrets, too. It must have been very difficult to put your thoughts into writing, in between the tears. You cared for her, I am sure she knew. To 'fall asleep and not wake up' is truly kind and gentle, so try to think of that and it may soften your sadness.

Katnip Lounge said...

Please accept my sympathies. It is so very hard to lose a furbaby, you are in good company and we all understand very much. We all have regrets, I think it goes to show how much we love and respect the feelings of our four-legged companions. 15 is a goodly age for a kitty, and KC is free from pain now. Not much comfort, I know, but it is a good thing to go peacefully.

Eric and Flynn said...

We are very sad for your loss. Regrets and what ifs come when we lose a loved one, but the important thing to remember is that KC had a home where she knew she was cared for and loved.

ML said...

Eric and Flynn just told us that KC went to the Bridge. We are so sorry to hear that.
Our KC made a graphic and posted it on the Cat Blogosphere in her memory.
We are all sending purrs and purrayers.
Love,
Mom ML
KC, Offishul CB Reepurrter
Missy Blue Eyes
Faith Boomerang
Sol
Smokey
Brutus Jr.

Angel and Kirby said...

We are so sorry to hear this. Losing a furkid is heartbreaking. WE found that sharing the memories and storied of your loved one helps ease the pain.

Harry Spotter said...

I am so sorry. I am heart broken for you and your family. What a touching post about KC. She was very loved. My deepest sympathies.

Marilynn said...

Oh, no. =( Our hearts are breaking for you all. I have always had this fear, whenever I've taken a precious kitteh to the vet for something that involves sedation.

I'm sure she knew she was loved. They seem to have a sixth sense about that.

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssssss...

Marilynn, Grace & Company

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We are so sorry about KC. It is always hard to lose a furry because you are just never prepared for it. We send purrs and tail wags for you.

The Island Cats said...

We are so very sorry to hear about KC. We send you comforting purrs.

The Cat Guy said...

So sorry to hear of KC's passing. She will be missed by many. May she now live forever with StarClan and visit you often.

Thanks for sharing stories of KC. I hope the stories continue as a tribute to KC's everlasting gift.

Angel + 6 Garden Cottage Cats said...

We are so Sorry & Heartbroken to hear of your loss, we are sure she knew she was loved (and is Still) ~
So Sorry ~

Samantha, Clementine and Maverick said...

Purrrs and prayers to you all for the loss of KC!! ((((BIG WARM KITTY HUGS))))))
Your TX furiends,

Cloon said...

We are very sorry for your loss. It is normal to have regrets and it is always worrisome when they are sedated, especially when they are older. Thanks for sharing your story in such a candid manner. We send you warm thoughts at this time. Be Well Sweet K.C.

Cheysuli and gemini said...

We never got to meet KC. We heard about this on CB. We are very sorry to hear about your loss. Our purrs.

Cory said...

Sending you comforting purrs. We are so sorry for your loss. We are sure that K.C. knew she was loved.

gingerthecat.com said...

Me and my sisters are very sad to hear about KC. :(

Karen said...

We just read this from the cat blogosphere. We are so sorry for you loss.


Pixel and Samba

Au and Target said...

We are so very sorry about KC. Our cat Boris went to the vet yesterday and I worried too about the sedation - luckily he's fine. We're thinking of you and are purring for you.

Ayla and Iza, said...

We are so sorry ta hear about KC. TBT says he sure does know how ya feel and offers his feelings.

But we CAN give you our best purrs for K.C..

Please don't second guess yerself about having her teefs cleaned. Its a good thing ta do.

As ya said, she was havin trubles. We will just say "there comes a time".

Our purrs to you...

Camie's Kitties said...

We are so very sorry for your loss. Your KC did know that she was loved and was a valuable member of your family. We will be purring for you and your family.

Cody and Gracie

Punapippuri said...

We are really sad for your loss and that you did not have the chance to say your farewells. We are sure she knew you loved her - your blog just oozes love for her. Wit hpurrs xxxx

Carolina said...

Oh, we are so sorry to hear about K.C.... Please accept our deepest condolences,
Meowmy Carolina, Lucky, Bugsy, Hope and Gracie ~
Happy Cat Family

Ikaika said...

We are so sorry that K.C. had to leave you. It's so easy to second guess at a time like this. You did what you thought was best for her with your vet's advice. That's the best anyone can do for a beloved pet like K.C. You loved her and she knows this. We send gentle purrs and comfort to you and your family.

Run free at the Bridge, sweet K.C. ...

'Kaika and his mom

Karen Jo said...

I am so very sorry about KC. She knew that she was loved. Please don't feel bad about taking her in to have her teeth cleaned. It would have been better for her health, had she survived. You just never know. You have my deepest sympathy and Herman's comforting purrs.

Freya's Staff said...

We're all very very sorry to hear about KC. 15 years is a very dignified age, and you can console yourself knowing that she went so peacefully in her sleep.

sending you calming and peacful purrs.

Milo and Alfie Marshall said...

We are so very sorry. Losing a special furbaby is so very hard. We don't know you or KC, but we can tell by the way you write that KC was very loved and cared for. The fact that you were even having her teeth cleaned shows that you cared and were thinking about KC's well being.
You say that KC was deaf, but the truth is you wouldn't have needed to actually tell KC she was loved, she would have "feel" that and known for sure.
Please take comfort in the wonderful life you all gave her, and the happy memories you have shared, and the fact that she will not need to go through a potentially paniful decline. My heart goes out to you all.
(((((hugs))))))

Jan (Milo and Alfie's mom)

pansylovr said...

If KC was able to talk to you right now, she would tell you she lived a good life and to not be too sad about her passing. She would also tell you that she knew you were doing what you felt was right for her and that she knew she was loved.

From our house to yours, snuggles and purrs and wishes that the memories you have will help you during the coming days, weeks and months. Pets leave paw prints on our hearts and love in our lives.
Snuggles,
Taz, Runt, Charles and mommy, Anna, in Illinois

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan and Bibi-Chan said...

We have never visited your blog before but read on the CB about your loss of KC and wanted to pay our respects. We can imagine your sadness at the loss of your dear friend. Please be comforted in the knowledge of the love you gave her, and remember her always with a smile.

The Poupounette Gang
in France

Kea said...

We came from the CB to offer purrs and hugs and kitty kisses at K.C.'s loss.

The mom understands that kind of loss, as all of us do, and also understands the regrets.

Please know you are in our thoughts and purrayers and we hope that in time, your heart-pain will ease, leaving only gentle, blessed memories.

Brian said...

I am so, so sorry to hear about your sweet KC. We send you love, purrs and hugs. I know it can't possibly help, but we do feel the pain and loss.

Everycat said...

We are sorry that KC has gone and we send you love and rumbly purrs. Don't doubt that KC knew that she was loved, your care and love of her come across in your words.

Whicky Wuudler

Marg said...

WE are so sad that your KC went to the bridge so suddenly. We are sending lots of purrs your way and some really big hugs to the humans. But maybe it was just KC's time and she will feel better running around kitty heaven. Take care.

Kitty said...

We are so sorry for the lost of you beautiful K.C. and send you lots of purrs. Nishiko and Xanthe xxx

AFSocksScylla said...

We are so sorry for your loss. We are sure KC knew she was loved.

Hannah and Lucy said...

We have just read on the CB that your beloved KC has gone to Rainbow Bridge - and we can only guess how upset you are feeling.
She had 15 happy years with you and your family and we smiled about your son having to go to the
kitchen every night with her while she had couple of mouthfuls of food - she must hve been such character.
We will be thinking of you and know she will be looking down on you all from Rainbow Bridge where she will have been met by so many who have gone before.
Luv Hannah, Lucy & mum Sue xxx

Sabrina, Sam and Simon said...

We are so, so sorry to hear that your beloved K.C. left for the Bridge. We are sending our most heartfelt purrayers to help you through this sad time ...
Hugs, purrs and headbutts,
Sabrina, Sam, Simon and Momma Jan

Cat said...

We came over from the CB where we read of your sad news. Please accept our heartfelt condolences for your loss. Please try not to feel regrets, I'm certain KC knew that she was loved and protected by you and your husband.

exiledwildcatwoods said...

Lovely tribute. All we can do is what we think is the right thing. You did your best and maybe your friend is right - that KC went peacefully and and in sleep rather than with an illness later. You can still tell her you love her - she is still with you, you know. Sending purrs and deep sympathy.

Cats of wildcat woods

Laila and Minchie said...

We are deeply saddened and sorry for the loss of your beautiful, precious girl, K.C. (((HUGS)))

Forty Paws said...

We are so sad that KC went to the Bridge. We are sure that she felt loved. It is difficult in a house with numerous cats. But they do feel loved. They know that they are safe inside and that we feed them and try to keep them happy. Many hugs and purrs and purrayers to you.

Luf, Us and Maw

Fin said...

We are sorry for your loss. Purrs to your family.

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

We're so sorry for your loss and send mighty purrs and gentle headbumps. She did know she was loved and what better way to go to Heaven than to fall asleep and wake up there...

Rachel said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Mary Ann. I trust that K.C. knew she was loved; I believe pets have some sort of intuition and understand things that we are not always sure of. Sending many happy thoughts and hugs your way.

Percy the Cat said...

We are so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of purrs and prayers.

Percy, Pandora & Zowie

KarenMcG said...

"The Boys" and I are so sorry to hear about your loss.

It has to be a very difficult time for you and your family and the other kitties in your home.

Dig out all the pictures you have of K.C., and with your family, sit around and talk about all the funny things all of you did with K.C.

And you can be sure K.C. knew you loved her.

We are purring for you and wishing you all the best.

Admiral Hestorb said...

I just came from the CB after I learned of your loss. That is so very very hard, to lose your furbaby. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy as I have suffered this pain too, as most of us here in the CB have.

Kc was loved and she loved you back..just as much. She's with my baby Robin at the Bridge now..and they are running and playing and eating grass too. ♥♥♥♥

Furkidsmom said...

We're so sorry to hear that K.C. went to the Bridge. You were doing what was best for her. (((Hugs)))

The Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie

Kat's Kats said...

This is always hard, but especially more so when you try to second guess yourself. Don't worry about it. She knew you loved her.

May the memories of love outweigh the grief of loss.

Kat & the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde

A few Good Cats said...

This is such heartbreaking news. K.C. was loved all her life with you, and you will always have those good memories. We are sending comforting vibes and purrayers for your loss.

ZOOLATRY said...

Many purrs and prayers for you and your family... we hope K.C. finds fun and sunshine and lots of treats across the bridge.

Father Tom said...

Julie says..I wanted to say a few words before I turned in for the night. I am so very, very sorry for your loss and the deep sadness you feel. We lost our kitty less than a month ago and I still feel his presence, especially his cuddles. I recognize every emotion you feel, from the regrets to the pain of emptiness. Just know that your paths crossed once and you both were very happy and they will cross again. Purrayers and hugs go out to you and your family and little angel KC!

Julie & Tom
xoxoxoxoxo

caspersmom said...

I am so sorry for your loss. This is a great Memorial to her. Please do not feel guilty, it was not your fault. You were just caring for her and doing what was best for her. She knew she was loved very much by your whole family and she had a great forever home. Purrs and Prayers for you at this time. God Bless.

Casper, Cleo, Patches and Mom

scottqmarcus said...

Hi Honey,

That's a beautiful tribute to KC. It inspired me to use it as next week's newspaper column. Should anyone want to read it, they can go to http://thistimeimeanit.com/news/newspaper-column/farewelloldfriend/

The Kool~Kittie~Krew said...

We just heard of your loss on the Cb and wanted to some by to offer some comforting words of sympathy to you and your family. We are sorry KC had to run of to The bridge, but she wil be watching over you and waiting for the day when you shall meet again.

Gentle hugs and Purrs,
The Kool~Kittie~Krew and Shannon

Luscious Lucy said...

We just heard about KC, and we are mewing such tears. We have lifted our paws in prayers for you and for her to have a good life while she waits for you at the Bridge. You will see her again, that we firmly believe. But we know it does not stop the tear for now and the unbearable sadness you are feeling. Know that you have many friends here and we are all standing by your side.